Tuesday, August 26th, 2008...9:20 pm

I took the Bait - Hook, Line & Sink-her.

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I last left you with beavers upstairs in MIL’s house.  We resume the tale downstairs in her mother’s room.  

Here’s your background on Puppy’s maternal grandmother: She is a seriously old school Southern woman.  She is very blue blood and really loves to claim her DAR membership with a flourish of “My family came over on the Mayflower.”  In addition, she takes her Republicanism a bit too far (”Tom DeLay was framed.  I met him once and he was a nice man.”) in that she sells her intellect to the party, she is offensively racist, and most importantly, she makes being contrary an art form.  She will fight just for the sake of fighting.  She once went off on me for saying the Founding Fathers were not very Christian but more Deist.  Despite teaching American History at the time - I was wrong - because she said so.   She became even more unbearable when her husband passed away 10 years ago and even worse after she suffered a series of strokes that have left her nearly bedridden.  But, the mouth.  It still functions a mile a minute.  And, stupidly, I always allow her to bait me.

“Holly, I was thinking about you today,” she said with a bit of a smile. 

“Oh, really?” I asked, knowing better than to so easily give her the incentive to begin yet another diatribe.  But, like the moron I am…I just took it.

“I was reading The Wall Street Journal, and they*  have decided preschool is harmful to children.  Obama is wanting to form a national preschool system.  And, we all know preschool was invented by the Soviet Union to make better Communists.  The government took children away from their parents and the kids barely knew who their parents were.”

Puppy and I exchanged a glance.  He rolled his eyes.  I quietly seethed inside.

“I just think Knute will be better off with his mother,” she added.

Puppy asked to read the article and I uncomfortably moved from one foot to the other, hoping not to scream something about how preschool in America in 2008 has nothing to do with WWII Soviet schools indoctrinating communists.  And, how preschool is wonderful for children.  Look at Puppy!  Putting him in 1st grade at 4 certainly affected him. 

“I can see you have already made up your mind and I’m not influencing you in any way.” 

In my head: Really?  You think?

“Well, I don’t want to tell you how to raise your child.  I just thought you should know how harmful preschool is.”

Puppy gives me a look that clearly reads: Caution.  I finally can’t handle not speaking, so I say, “Well, you know?  It was very beneficial to my brother and I.  I got so much socialization and learned how to deal with people because I went.” Does she even realize I’m poking at her?  Nope.

“Is Knute at least attending a good Catholic preschool?” This from the woman who was Presbyterian for 30 years, Episcopalian for 45 and has only been Catholic 2. 

Do I?  Do I make her squirm?  Am I still as childish as I was when I discussed beavers in front of her daughter not five minutes earlier?  Hell yes I am.

“Actually, he’ll be attending a preschool where he will be in full-immersion Spanish,” I say out loud.  And, my thought continues in my brain with: bite me you racist cow. 

And, I’ve successfully broken the 4th Commandment twice in the span of ten minutes.  If you need me I’ll be heading to confession.

* I’m still not sure who “they” is.

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Filed under 3 Ring Circus, Bad Mommy, Crazy woman, Don't Mess with the Bitch, Dora doesn't do it for me, Hola Amigos, I'm such a freakazoid, Motor Mouth, Needy PMSing Witch, Oh no she didn't, Pick your friends..stuck with family, Things I should confess., WTF

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